Me me me...I want healing!

I had yet another terrible appointment. The medication just isn't working. The freaking $2,500 medicine that we prayed and prayed for isn't doing a thing. I cannot express how angry I am. I am frustrated that our "last chance" isn't working at all. I'm devastated that this is truly our last try for probably a year or until we can save enough money for a more aggressive treatment. And I'm just done with it all. I hit a breaking point, ran out to my car and sobbed uncontrollably.

While I thoroughly believe that God can use anything and anyone to speak to us, I do not often realize that he is doing it IN the moment. I think He took a moment to quiet my aching heart to share His peace with me. When I finally couldn't stand the sight of my red eyes in the rear view mirror for another minute, I turned on the radio and this is what I heard:

"Be still, there is a healer

His love is deeper than the sea

His mercy, it is unfailing
His arms are a fortress for the weak"

I'd love to say that this simple phrase changed my life. That I'm hopeful and happy, ready to move on with my life knowing that God will provide...but that's just not the case. I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel comforted knowing that I serve a God of healing...that He could, at any moment, create a miracle in our story...but I also feel frustrated that it's not now, that we are working so hard, seemingly in vein. But I have faith that one day God's plan for us will be revealed. Until then, I am trying to be patient, praying for my miracle each day...each moment of every day. He is faithful, and I must faithfully wait.

Let faith arise
I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart, these things I remember
You are faithful, God, forever

      -Chris Tomlin