"X" marks the spot

I went in again this morning for an ultrasound and blood work..and we're all set! My hormones are great and we're ready for our retrieval....tomorrow! AHH I can hardly believe it. I'm so excited I can't sit still and so nervous I want to throw up.

During my appointment yesterday, the nurse marked my butt where I would need to take my trigger shot...to get my eggs ready to ovulate and be taken out. I went the whole day dreading it. This was the one I knew was coming...the butt shot. DUN DUN DUN!

Pete did a great job. We were a little aggressive with mixing the medication which cause it to foam up. I was really afraid we ruined it, but the on-call pharmacist said we just had to wait a bit and it would be ok. Though before she called us back, I have to admit that I may have thrown a candlestick in the same manner that "Batman would throw a getaway grenade" as my husband lovingly pointed it. haha It broke, but that was the only casualty of the night, so we'll call it a success. Once we iced the "X" I hardly felt the needle. I just had to walk around for a while, as the nurse mentioned, it turned into a charlie horse...in my butt! Who knew?! hehe

But it's all over now, and honestly wasn't as bad as I was expecting. Now comes the hard part, the egg retrieval. I'm just praying for a lot of eggs!! One step at a time, right?

*sigh of relief*

We're almost there.

Don't stop believing...

So we're in the thick of this crazy cycle...my stomach can prove it! Good thing I don't ever wear a bikini! hehe But seriously, my stomach looks super gross. Not to mention the crook of my arms. I'm a mess. Thankfully it's getting cold now and I can wear long sleeves. It was a long summer! It's so embarrassing sometimes.

On Wednesday I went for blood work and an ultrasound. On my right side there were several follicles that were growing, about 8 or so. On my left, only two smallish ones. It was a good start, the doctor seemed pleased. When they called me in the afternoon with my results, my estrogen level was too high so they decreased my medication and said they need to watch me closely from here on out or until it goes down. Now I have to go every morning for monitoring to ensure that my ovaries are safe and my hormones don't go wild.

Since then, my follicles have grown quite a bit. I've got about a dozen or more on the right and 6-7 on the left. We are definitely in good shape, though they still want me to continue to come in each morning at 6am to watch my estrogen levels and follicle growth. It's important that this process happen slowly, so they just want to be sure that they are in control at all times. It makes me feel very secure to know that so many people are monitoring my status and would rather play it safe than make risky choices. The other nice thing about being in this study is that I have access to ANY medication they need to use at no extra cost to me. So if I need to switch, no problem! Just good to know.

One of the doctors thinks I may be ready as early as Thursday, which is much sooner than I expected, but that's a good thing. That would mean a transfer on Sunday so I can have the day to rest and try to "cook a baby."   :) 

And it begins...

Ok friends, it's go time! I went in for blood work and an ultrasound and the doctor said my hormones are right where they need to be so we can start our stimulating cycle. I didn't expect to be starting for another week or two so that was a bit of a shock, but honestly, the sooner, the better, right? 

Now I am only taking 5 units of Lupron and 1ml of a nice little cocktail I get to mix myself. (Too bad I can't mix a real one to go with it!) In my shopping bag full of goodies, I have about a bazillion of these little vials filled with powder and sodium chloride.

I have to mix all four powders together using this little cup that goes on the end of the syringe...it's super scary actually. I'm petrified that I'm going to do it wrong...I actually called my on-call pharmacist (kind of weird that I have one of those) and had her walk me through it to ease my mind. I finally got it all mixed, knocked out all the air bubbles and Pete administered the injection. OH.MY.GOSH was it uncomfortable! Not pain, just super pressure. Like someone blowing up a balloon inside my body. Once I put some ice on it for a few minutes it didn't hurt anymore, but whoa baby...didn't love it. 

So I have to take these three meds for the next three days and then I go in for blood work and an ultrasound to see if any follicles are growing. 

I'm so nervous I could throw up. This has to work. It just has to. 

I'm trying to stay in the moment, so right now I am just praying for follicles. Lots and lots of follicles. But not too many...or else they'll cancel my cycle. So just enough follicles. 

One step at a time. 

*Breathe*

Beauty will rise from these ashes.

Can you feel Autumn in the air? I love it! I love everything about the Fall. The smells, the cool breeze, the crunch of the leaves...the food! :) And this year, Autumn, rather than Spring, brings hope of new life for our family. I know it may be dangerous, but right now I am filled with overwhelming feelings of hope, excitement, and anticipation for what the remainder of this year will bring. I am past trying to stay "level headed" through this process...I can't take all these shots each day and not be hopeful that a miracle will take place. I have to at least believe that it can happen, don't I? 

I've finished my contraceptive pills at this point, now I am just taking Lupron in the evenings. It's not too bad as far as the injections go. A small needle, about an inch long. I have not been able to take it in my thigh again, it freaks me out for some reason. I'm comfortable with taking them all in my stomach, but unfortunately, I'm already beginning to look something like an abused pin cushion...and we have a long way to go. I'm going to have to bite the bullet and start rotating in my thighs soon...ughhhh! 

*Baby*

*Baby*

*Baby*

Sometimes I just need to remind myself that this isn't for the rest of my life. That it's for a good cause. That it's going to help us. 

Other times I just close my eyes and pretend like my bathroom doesn't look like a hospital :)

So far this cycle isn't too bad! I am in my second week of birth control...crazy, I know. Sounds totally counterproductive, but they need to suppress my body before I can start the stimulating cycle in hopes of creating follicles. My first injection this time around was Lupron...it's subcutaneous...thankfully! Just one shot, once a day. Not too bad! The list of side effects was lengthy, including breast reduction! Who wants to hear that?! This better be worth it, hehe :)

I expected the Lupron to take it out of me, but I haven't anything other than a little rash at the injection site..which unfortunately rotates from my stomach to my thigh every other day...so it's really just itchy everywhere. But that's nothing compared to what it could be! When I went in to pick up my second suitcase filled with injections the nurse asked me how I was doing on the Lupron so far..when I said I was totally fine she replied, "Haha! Just wait, the effects will come." But it's been on it for a few days now, so I'm holding to the hope that it will be fine. 

So now the next step is just taking the Lupron and contraceptive pills until the 21st and then I go in for blood work to see if I can start my stimulating cycle...I think. Really I just wait for the call in the morning and they tell me what to do, I don't get to know things before they happen. That's ok with me, though...less to worry about. I'm just taking it all day by day, dreading the day I need to give myself the intramuscular injections and this nasty looking gel in a tampon applicator. Yeah. Pleasant sounding, huh? 

Welcome to my new life. 

Nothing is sacred. 

It's worth it.

As of September 1st, we are officially in an IVF cycle. I can hardly believe it. I didn't imagine us in this situation for at least 5-7 years. God is so good.

I have been very nervous about the entire thing so far. I'm trying to remain level-headed..but also know the power of positive thinking and remaining calm...so I am allowing myself to believe this will work. Dangerous? Perhaps. But honestly, it's going to be a long 4 months either way, so why not do it with hope that it will work out?

Right now I am taking birth control pills to suppress my hormones and get my body ready for the first round of medication. I don't know much about these meds just yet, but I am nervous already! I know most of them are shots, and from what I understand, at least one will be intramuscular...meaning gigantic! And it has to go in my hip...uuughh!

But I'm not thinking of that right now. I am focusing on how blessed we are to have this opportunity. How our lives may change in the coming months. How no matter what happens, I am not in control...but my Savior is, and that's all I need to know.  :)