Here we go again

I had my blood pregnancy test yesterday morning, and as usual it was negative. I don't even know what to feel at this point. I spent the whole day unpacking boxes into our new apartment and just crying. (At least I was productive this time, last month I couldn't get off the couch all day) When I first realized how difficult this was going to be, I made a deal with myself that in the event of a failed cycle, I could have the rest of the day to do as I please, even if that meant laying on the couch crying and watching movies all day. This time allows me to get a grip on myself and to regroup a bit. Not to say I'm ok after that, but I cannot allow myself to feel that way all the time, no matter how strong the urge may be to mope.

At this point, we need to decide what to do next. Do we try again...for the eighth time? Do we take a few months/years off? I don't know. I have an appointment on Wednesday to see what the doctors think, so I won't make any decisions until then. I am thankful that the new medication worked so well, at least we're moving in the right direction...but that doesn't make it hurt less.

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

-Casting Crowns